i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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