My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize