i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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