I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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