I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
