saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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