My room smells like vodka and shame
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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