Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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