He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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