Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My pussy is not your playground.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
