I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just google imaged poop.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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