Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
