We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
