Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
