I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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