how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
