I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
