some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
