A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You're a waste of cheezeits
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
