things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When did angry sex become our thing?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
