we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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