So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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