I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Come on in and take your pants off
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
