If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
