we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
