Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
