There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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