party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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