fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
