Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
