Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
