Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
