Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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