his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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