'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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