You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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