Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I believe in your delicious
Omg I joined a choir last night...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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