Yo dont text me then not text me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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