At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
