her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
