Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
