I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
