Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
