i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
