wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
did i walk over a car last night?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
