But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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