was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
