i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
