Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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