New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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