it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There's even glitter on my cock...
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