Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize