i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize