I'm lost and stupid without you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
