you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
