I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
