Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
