It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
