you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
