Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Still dying that you shit outside
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
