My underwear smells like fireworks.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
