I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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