So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
