i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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