I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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