sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
