There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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