at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm like, not good at living.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
