Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
