apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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