I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
