ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
