Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
