Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
