you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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